Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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