I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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