My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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