Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
