Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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