Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
