did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
