I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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