I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
