I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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