i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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