We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
