sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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