let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
