one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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