Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
