my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
