I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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