i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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