At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
