Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
