I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize