Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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