Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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