Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
