hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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