i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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