i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
