:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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