So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize