I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
