My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
