I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
