Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
