I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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