Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
