fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
