its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
