You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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