Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
