respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My pussy is not your playground.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
