I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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