FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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