Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize