with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
