Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
