you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
