I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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