Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize