Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
