Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
