Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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