dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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