You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
