Will you blow on my dice?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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