im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
