You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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