i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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