I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
