How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
