It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
