you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
