I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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