All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
