I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
