Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
