My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize