Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
