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her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
